i am so disappointed in myself.
yet at the same time i have never been happier in my entire life.
he really loves me.
and i feel like i questioned that.
i'm horrible.
i know he's better than that. i know it. i knew it. and now i know it even more so.
why do i feel like this then?
i feel like...
i questioned his character.
i doubted his integrity.
i didn't believe in love. not that i can't love someone. but that someone can't love me.
but they can.
he does. = )
the past few years i never thought anyone
could love another human being the way i can.
i know what it means to love.
i'm not saying i'm perfect by any means.
but i know.
i don't know how to explain it.
i believed it was impossible for someone to truly love me.
honestly believed that.
i believed chad when he said he loved me.
i believed chad when he said he cares more about me than himself.
but not wholeheartedly, i guess.
i have always said when someone says "i'll do anything for you"
that it's just a figure of speech.
i never believed it could be true. especially coming from a guy.
but it is.
it really is true.
to find out that he loves me THAT much is overwhelming.
that's a big part of my tears.
happy tears. i like happy tears.
i love this feeling.
but at the same time, i found out that he loves me that much
because i questioned his love for me. (i feel)
i didn't directly think anything about his love for me at first.
but looking into it, it's what it seems like.
and i feel horrible.
i don't know if i'll be able to forgive myself.
maybe he didn't see it like that.
maybe it didn't hurt him.
but it hurts me that i did that.
i have always trusted him as much as i could trust a person.
but now...
i've found a new level of trust.
it's amazing.
he's amazing.
what did i do to deserve to be loved like this?
i don't deserve to be loved like this is the thing.
i'm nothing special.
but i'm so glad he thinks i am.
