what a wonderful day today has been (for the most part) and it will continue to be wonderful this evening! =-)
seeing ingram today, and rachel brown, and being at wright. oh how i miss high school. sometimes i just want to sit and cry because i miss it and my friends and the memories so much. high school retreats, belize, dc, all the fun times we all had. sometimes i think "man i would give anything to go back then" but no, i don't really want to go back then. maybe relive it in some in depth dream and feel like i was there again, but no - i need to be where i am. i need to go where i'm going. i'm happy doing it, too. i just wish i would have realized then how much i was going to miss it and then i would have changed some things probably...and i wouldn't be where i am today. so never mind. haha. i'm completely happy with the way things are. for the most part that is. there are still some major questions that need be answered. it's just gotta be done. there's no way around it. don't you hate it when someone asks you something and you don't know the answer and neither do they and you just need to figure it out or you will go CRAZY?!
yeah. that's how i'm feelin right now about some things in life. i need some answers. i just gotta ask the questions to get them. how do i know the right questions to ask, though? i need some river time. that just might happen tomorrow! =)
i've been stressing out about this for far too long now. i need to be open and honest. why is it so hard to do that?
seeing ingram today, and rachel brown, and being at wright. oh how i miss high school. sometimes i just want to sit and cry because i miss it and my friends and the memories so much. high school retreats, belize, dc, all the fun times we all had. sometimes i think "man i would give anything to go back then" but no, i don't really want to go back then. maybe relive it in some in depth dream and feel like i was there again, but no - i need to be where i am. i need to go where i'm going. i'm happy doing it, too. i just wish i would have realized then how much i was going to miss it and then i would have changed some things probably...and i wouldn't be where i am today. so never mind. haha. i'm completely happy with the way things are. for the most part that is. there are still some major questions that need be answered. it's just gotta be done. there's no way around it. don't you hate it when someone asks you something and you don't know the answer and neither do they and you just need to figure it out or you will go CRAZY?!
yeah. that's how i'm feelin right now about some things in life. i need some answers. i just gotta ask the questions to get them. how do i know the right questions to ask, though? i need some river time. that just might happen tomorrow! =)
i've been stressing out about this for far too long now. i need to be open and honest. why is it so hard to do that?
i figured something else out the other day. i am still so messed up from that douche bag. i didn't think i was. i thought i had overcome everything he had messed up. i mean, i am completely happy with who i am and who i've become and where i'm going. he made me feel like nobody could ever truly be happy with me. because he, the one person that was supposed to be, obviously wasn't. so i think now i seek to find that kind of security and stability. i will be looking for as long as i can, but i have yet to find it. and i'm hindering myself from being able to be solely wanted. i need reassurance. how much assurance do i need, though? will words just suffice? will i be able to believe those words? i had no idea that i was still this messed up when i got into this. i don't know if would have if i had known. i feel so bad.
i don't wanna make him have to put up with my insecurity.
river, i need some time with you.
i don't wanna make him have to put up with my insecurity.
river, i need some time with you.
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