You may have won this battle baby.
Don’t mean I won’t win the war.
I feel like I’ve won.
What have I won?
I’ve won the knowledge.
To know that nobody will ever truly love me.
I will never be good enough for anyone.
I’ve won the knowledge to realize that I don’t even know what I’m fighting for.
So why fight for it if it’s not even there?
There’s nothing there to fight for.
Nothing.
There never was, was there?
Or was there?
Where did it go wrong?
I think it was hopeless from the beginning.
Looking back on it.
But I learned so much.
Grew some.
Realized a lot.
You can’t ever trust someone fully.
No matter how much someone says they love you, they don’t.
When someone says they’ll do anything for you, they won’t.
It’s a figure of speech.
Why do people lie so often?
Why is honesty such a hard thing to come by?
Because you’re scared of hurting someone?
Let me tell you.
I’ve definitely learned lies hurt worse than the truth.
Don’t trust anyone with your heart.
It will only get broken.
Over and over and over again.
All guys are the same.
There’s no such thing as a good Christian guy,
They may act like it, but deep down, they’re all the same.
They will only hurt you.
They will only disappoint you.
They will only make you feel like you’re not the world to them.
I’m done fighting.
There’s nothing to fight for.
I wish I knew why I was trying so hard.
Only to continuously get hurt?
Sometimes I feel like a broken stone rolling down your hill.
There is no hope.
Not for true love with another human being.
I had that hope once.
It got shot full of holes many times.
No more hope.
If someone tells you that you mean everything to them.
They will do anything for you.
They love you more than life itself.
DON’T BELIEVE IT!
Sometimes it’s easier to give up your life for someone you say you love.
Rather than to give up other things.
Most of the time those other things mean more to them than you do.
I’ve learned that lesson all too well.
I will never be the princess in some man’s fairytale.
I will never be cherished and adored the way a woman is supposed to be.
My life will only be filled with hurt.
Disappointment.
Sadness.
Pain.
Anger.
Loneliness.
Hostility.
Unable to trust anyone.
Heartbroken.
What did I ever deserve to be treated like this?
How I wish I knew.
What did I do?
Guys just tell you what you want to hear.
They don’t mean it.
They never have.
They never will.
They are selfish.
Demanding.
Untrustworthy.
Completely one-sided.
Once I thought I knew it all.
Turns out I don’t know a damn thing.
I thought I knew everything about love.
Maybe I did.
Maybe I should’ve found someone that knew how to treat someone with love.
Maybe I should’ve treated him with love a little more.
I thought give continuous chances was showing how much I loved.
I thought trying to help him become a better person was showing my love.
Guess I thought wrong.
I found this today. It is so sad that at some point in my life I actually felt this way about life, love, and relationships. I was so messed up, so lost and didn't even know it. I am so thankful I now know that truth I had been unknowingly searching for.
I am good enough.
I can be loved.
I can trust.
I can love.
I am capable of loving again.
I can be happy.
I am extremely happy.
Life is completely different than it was then, thank the Lord.
= )
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