have you ever noticed...

how one thing can change and something else stay forever the same (at least it feels like).
i have been contemplating so much today. driving around in this amazing weather has really got me thinking. good and bad. there is never good without bad. if there were no bad with the good, how would we know "good"? however my good and bad today are unrelated. i'll start off with the good because that's what i like most in life, the good. this WEATHER is amazing! i can be in the worst of moods and just going outside will make it all better. no, i don't base my mood on the weather, that's just crazy. but it can help cheer me up. even the dark rainy weather can cheer me up. not the snow, though. anyway... the good. change. "it hurts but it may be the only way" - maroon 5. of course change is not always good. wow. i just realized that my good and bad of today actually do go together. this weather makes me miss being a little kid in my backyard playing with my sister and our dogs. so i drove by our old house. it looks almost the exact same. no change. but me, 11 years later? wow i have changed SO much. however some things that i thought had changed are starting to creep back and i don't like it one bit. why does it have to be a daily struggle to be... i don't know how to explain it. it's not happy. but in the same sense it is. daily i struggle with this. not in just every day life. in my relationship with chad. i get sad sometimes and i start to tell myself things that aren't true. (at least i hope they're not) -- like THAT. that right there is doubting my relationship. i don't want to doubt it but nothing in life is for certain. what makes me sad about our relationship? really there's not much at all. most of the problem is me and my thinking. i mean i know nobody is perfect but he sure is close, i just wish some things were slightly different. i argue with myself, if i did or said or wore anything that he didn't like i WANT him to tell me because i WANT him to be happy. but when it comes to something i don't like that he says or does or wears i think, "who am i to tell him that?". i don't know. i try to make something so simple so confusing. to truly love someone you must accept their faults. you don't have to love their faults, but you cannot beat and batter them with them. so i remember this and then i'm alright for a day or two then i get reminded of what it is i don't like and i'm right back here. oh well. i'm sure if this relationship goes further that it will come up. on a not so serious subject, but at the same time it kinda is.... what happened to our day long conversations? i mean i understand that while he's at work we can't have them, but what about when he's not at work? was he more interested in me then? do we really not have that much to talk about? i mean, use to, he would just tell me what he was doing throughout the day and i absolutely loved that. not because i was keeping track of him or anything, but just because we would talk. now we hardly talk anymore. it makes me sad. makes me feel like he's just not that interested. which i'm sure isn't what is is... i hope at least (there goes the doubting again).... i dunno. just makes me sad.


make me happy weather!! =)

love.

There are some things in life that are worth waiting for.

Love. Patient, kind and always forgiving. What a wonderful thing.

We were created to love and to also receive love.

There is something inside of me that yearns to love and be loved. It is part of my being…

I don't want to be part of that complicated love where fighting and bitterness is looming over its every move. More, a love that can overcome any obstacle and strands two people together. A love that becomes one of your greatest passions; to understand each other in a way that doesn't even make sense. When you find joy in love and living to love…….

I went to a funeral the other day and I came out of it with one of the greatest understandings of love. The man that passed away shared a love for his wife that words could never describe. Goodness, I couldn't imagine living without my husband and having to see him go through the kind of emotional and physical pain that cancer causes. I think I am so enthralled with their love because it never died; they fought to keep it alive. They wanted to love each other deeply…..they loved to love each other.

Love is accepting your partners faults as your own. To find strength in each others weaknesses. To say, "I know that you're not perfect, but I love you through your imperfections and I receive them as my own." This is the greatest wisdom into a relationship that someone has given me.

I will love my husband for the rest of my life. I want to hold his hand in mine and know that it was made just for my hand, to fit perfectly in mine. I want to marry the man that my heart can not live without. When I cant be with him my heart will ache and when we are back together we will thank God.

May you love without fear and with the heart of God.

May your love be endless and may it overflow into the lives of others.


"They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up"

Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks

be happy with what you've been given? yeah right.

<~~ This person. Right here. I am SO jealous of her. And not a jealousy that could be considered good. Sometimes I wish I were her. I am certain she hasn't had the best life ever, but I envy her in a lot of ways. I know I shouldn't. I should take what I envy about her and apply it to my life. She is seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life (wish I looked like her). She has a style that I absolutely love (wish I dressed like her). She had the courage to get up and move to California not knowing anyone out there (wish I had her courage). She has small boobs and doesn't let it affect her at all! (wish I were as confident in myself as she is). She loves and is not scared to (wish I were as brave in love as she is).
Honestly, I don't know her too well, but she shows me so much in just the little that I know about her and talk to her. There are few people in this world that I look at and get sad because I don't look like them haha I know that sounds weird. So far there has only ever been two. This girl and Jessica Pike. The funny thing is I don't get jealous of celebrities and girls in magazines because I know that it's all fake fake fake, but every time I see pictures of these girls I get so sad and jealous. I get really down on myself. I mean it's not like they can help being so beautiful and perfect, ya know? I dunno. Guess I'm just having one of those days. I feel somewhat pretty since I went tanning today, but I WANT TO LOOK LIKE ABBY! Haha. Dang. Oh well. I need to learn to be happy with what I've got. Maybe learn how to wear eyeliner, too. Nah that will probably never happen. I do feel like dressing up tomorrow, so I hope tomorrow is a pretty day!!

My Horoscope Today.....a sign?

You've had just about all the fun you can stand with these feelings you've been keeping to yourself, and you're finally ready to talk about everything. If someone else will be affected, consider that before you start. If not, the decision is yours alone. But if this is a truly personal issue, something you'd prefer not become grist for the gossip mill, be sure not to confide in anyone who hasn't already proven their loyalty.

.... i think so!

Do You Know What It Takes?

I am so mixed up.
So confused.
I feel so full of love.
But at the same time I don't feel love.
In all reality this is probably all my fault.
Do I hold love to such a high regard that it is impossible to reach?
I never thought so.
But so far it has never been able to be reached.
Maybe my expectations are too high.
Where do I get my expectations from, though?



I've heard it said that love and romance movies/novels/etc are to us what porn is to guys.
I don't know if that's where I have gotten my expectations from.
I highly doubt it.
Love is simple, not complicated.

Why am I out to make it so complicated, then!?
It all just feels too different.
Not in a good way.
Maybe I'm looking for something to go wrong.
Maybe I'm trying to find a way to make it a big mess.
Why would I do that?
I'm terrified of losing it.
Maybe so scared that in the process I'm actually losing it.
I've heard that said before, that if you try to hard you will lose it.
But I don't feel like I'm trying to hard.
I could totally be wrong, though.
Things are just different.
And I don't like it.
I mean if it's not love then I shouldn't expect it.
Maybe I shouldn't expect it.
But if it's not love now then it wasn't before and I liked things before more than now.
Hmm.
It's like Reckless Kelly puts it:
"I've been looking
For a girl like you
And I wish
You were looking for me too
But you don't want me around.
We all long for
A love so true
And I would die for
One night with you
But you don't want me around."
Maybe I am completely blowing all of this out of proportion.

Quit thinking.
Just let it be.

How many times have I told myself this?

How many more times will I have to argue this with myself?
What does it mean to be loved to me?

TO BE LOVED:

* to be wanted..
(to want to be around me, to talk to me)
* to be cared for..
(to rub my neck if it hurts, to get me a drink if i'm thirsty)
* to be genuinely be listened to..
(like what i have to say is the most important thing)
* to ask me questions..
(simple ones like how my day is, or even what i'm thinking)
* to be willing to talk
(about the hard things to talk about just as well as the easy things)
* to be willing to do absolutely anything to make me happy
(watch a chick flick i wanna see real bad instead of a football game)
* to be honest.

Those are really general and I would never EVER take advantage of someone's love.
Like the whole chick flick/football thing.
I don't think I'd ever ask to watch a movie over a game he's interested in, but knowing that he'd be willing to do something like that for me means a whole lot.
Maybe that all is too much to ask for, maybe not.
I have yet to find it really.
Hopefully someday I will find that kind of love.
Maybe I have found it, but maybe it's undiscovered at the same time.
Who knows.
Not me.
All I know is how I feel.
And it SUCKS to not know.
Really really sucks.
Because then I don't know what to expect.
But I think I'll just stick with not expecting love until it is found.
Tears at my heart every day.
Just be patient.
I am the most impatient person ever.
We're tested daily with the things we need to work on the most.
BRING IT.

Cause I love the way you call me baby. And you take me the way I am.

Why does life have to be so simple, but at the same time SO confusing?!
It's quite frustrating!!
The simplest of things can be the most confusing things.
Seriously?
Will some people just NEVER grow up?

Is it just hopeless for some people?
I don't see the fun in being immature and the "party type".
And for some reason "men" are attracted to those types, STILL.
Come on, buddy!
You're like 40.
Grow up.
It's disgusting.

And to the 38 year old women portraying themselves as "easy".
It's disgusting.
Show a little respect for yourself.
You're old enough to know the difference between right and wrong.
But see, that's the thing these days.
Age is meaningless!
Completely meaningless!!
Take these 38 year old women for example.
They're acting like a typical 21 year old would.
Then there's me.
I act like a typical 38 year old would.
(well in some ways haha)
Age means nothing anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I have decided something.
Life is too short to be confused all the time.
It's too short to be scared.
It's too short to hold back, to never let go.
I am not going to hold back.
I am going to let go.
I am not going to be scared.
I am going to love and not let anything keep me from doing it.
I am going to be open.
Going to be honest.
Going to give this life all I've got and then some.
It's going to be scary as hell at first, but I think I can do it.
Actually I know I can do it.
Risks are always worth taking.
You never know unless you find out.
Sometimes you have to find out the hard way.
By the hard way I mean by getting hurt.
Heartbroken.
But it's better to know then to go through life always wondering.
"What if?"
Nope.
Not gonna do that.
Not gonna wonder what if.
I'm going to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Watch out.
Here it comes.

=)

the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return

knowledge is only as powerful as you let it be. i may not know a whole lot about life and love but what i do know i choose to let be very powerful.
i am not married, obviously. but i am very excited to be. out of all the bad examples of marriages i have seen in my life - i am excited to do it right! i want to be the hope and inspiration for people. i want to show them what marriage and love is all about. but above ALL else, i cannot wait to show my husband what a good wife is like.
*i am by no means saying i'm perfect and i know everything about being a wife*
but what i am saying is i have a pretty good grasp about what to do and what not to do....not many people know those things when it comes to relationships..and especially marriage.
i cannot wait to love someone the way a wife should love a husband. and i hope that my future husband is as excited about being a husband as i am about being a wife. because if he loves me the way i am going to love him, there is nothing we can't do..there is nothing we can't get through.
the success to any marriage can pretty much be summed up into one word.
LOVE.
i did a research paper freshman year of college about what the main cause for divorce is. money is what i found out, but the conclusion i came up with was communication. communication is also a HUGE part of love. everything can fit into love. selflessness, respect, loyalty, communication, understanding, and everything else will come naturally because it all has to do with love.
if you truly love the person more than yourself, there will be nothing you can't do.
but of course it has to work both ways...which is why i said i hope and pray my future husband is as excited about proving to himself, me, and everyone else that he is capable of being the best husband there is.
i'm just full of excitement for the future.
the end.
=)

the places you have come to fear the most

for once in my life i can actually say that in my heart i fear nothing.
what has happened to me that has caused me to have such great strength and confidence?
my goodness i hope it never goes away. i feel so right. in everything. not right as in being cocky. just everything feels right. and i guess it's with that rightness the confidence comes and therefore i fear nothing.
i use to fear everything.
now all of that everything doesn't even seem possible. it's not even there to fear.
=)
however, it has been a while since i have done some soul searching. i wish i had time to do it tomorrow, but i probably don't. river wednesday? strong possibility. i don't know if i'm searching for anything. or if i'm just out to find what i already know, but to just be reassured of it. i just need time to think. and this time thinking won't get me in trouble! i'm completely happy. i could've never imagined this kind of blissfulness. maybe the feeling of tanning is helping, too.
whatever it is, KEEP IT COMING!!
i finally feel like i'm back to the old stacy. the stacy that i was so happy with before my mind got warped and i became the most selfish person i had ever known. i'm happy where i am and i only want to improve. everyone has room to improve and i am FAR from perfect, so there is plenty of that room there for me.
i love love. <3
=)

愛生活您活。 居住您愛的生活。

Love the life you live.
Live the life you love.

there is just so much to be thankful for.
why aren't people more thankful, more happy?
why are they never satisfied??
STOP being so greedy! be happy with what is given to you.
everyone goes through hard times, but there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.

To learn.
To grow.
To live.
To love.
To hurt.
To cry.
To smile.
To give.
To accept.
To endure.
To be.
To experience.
To understand.
To see.
To feel.
To touch.
To praise.
To mourn.
To adore.
To care.
To encourage.
To inspire.
To play.
To improve.
These things and more.
Is what we are created for.